While You Were Gone
by gab95lin
Summary: After the Queen of Darkness strike Storybrooke things will never be the same for Emma and Regina. Making a life changing decision Regina leaves the town, leaving behind a very damage Emma. Emma on her own would seek for help to find out exactly what is that she's missing and needs so bad. SwanQueen
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, **

**A huge thank you to my good friend Joana for letting me bring this story alive. Thank you Jo! Also a big shotout to my friend Caryn for doing the beta job, I wouldn't be anything without you! With that been said there are just a little notes about this story. The first part of this story would be just journal entries, I'll try to post one daily, but there would be times when I'll post more, depending on the length. As the story goes on, the second part will like any other story, so please be patient as we get to that part. Please leave a review, I want to know what you guys think. **

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7/9/2014

Really write in a diary?

Why did I let Archie brainwash me into doing this?

It's stupid. I won't do it.


	2. Chapter 2

**HI,**

**So I'm pretty sure most of you who read the first chapter must be like WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I know, there's no way of knowing who the writer is, well here is another entry. Enjoy! **

**-Gab95lin **

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7/13/2014

I don't know what to say really.

I don't sleep much. Fuck that. I don't sleep at all.

Is that normal? Being scared of the darkness? Not the one in my room, but in my heart.

I don't know.


	3. Chapter 3

7/15/2014

It's early in the morning.

I just came back from Archie.

We found out why I can't sleep.

It's because of you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi, **

**Here is today's entry. Thank you so much to everyone who followed and reviewed what has been published so far. I hope you are enjoying the story so far.**

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7/17/2014

So I walked by your house today.

You weren't there.

Not your car. Not your mayoral self.

I don't know why I care.


	5. Chapter 5

7/18/2014

I crashed down at Mary Margaret's house yesterday. I finally got to sleep.

But…

A nightmare woke me up in the middle of the night again. Crap, I just want to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Surprise! You get another chapter before the day ends! I'm sorry the entries are short right now. Eventually they'll get longer. But until then... ENJOY!**

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7/19/2014

How did everything get like this?

This is not the way things were supposed to go.

I fucking hate it.

I want to time travel and fix everything.


	7. Chapter 7

7/20/2014

The kid asked if I know where you went.

And what did I tell him?

Nothing. Nothing at all, Regina.

I couldn't answer our son because you fucking left and didn't leave anything to contact you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, **

**It's Friday! And Friday is fun day! Yay! Here's the first post of the day, please enjoy and if you read What About Me? I apologize for the heart ache, I honestly didn't realize what I was writing until I was done. Anyway ENJOY! **

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7/21/2014

Sometimes I miss our fights.

I laugh at the memory of you fucking punching me in the eye.

You can punch hard, you know that?

And then I cry when I remember you're not here.

Why did you leave?


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi, **

**If you are reading this, please know you are wonderful person and you deserve to be happy. Anyways sorry for not uploading over the weekend. My mom came back from her work and I wanted to spent time with her. So today you'll get about 3 updates! Yay! Enjoy!**

**-Gab95Lin.**

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7/22/2014

Henry asked for you again today.

I froze.

I tensed.

I don't know what to say.


	10. Chapter 10

7/24/2014

I can't believe I keep writing you.

Almost every day I come home just to write in this journal .

And to be honest, I hate you.


	11. Chapter 11

7/25/2014

Henry asked if we can move into the mansion. He misses you.

I don't want to go back there. It will only remind me of you.

It's going to be filled with your smell, and memories of you.

I don't know why the kid wants to go back.


	12. Chapter 12

**One more because I'm in a good mood!**

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7/27/2014

We are here.

This house feels so empty.

Henry said I could take your room, but I went to the guest room.

I can't walk past your door without being furious, hurt, and betrayed.

I hate you and I hate this fucking house.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello lovely people, **

**Hope everyone is having a good day! Thank you for reading. **

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7/28/2014

Mary Margaret thinks I'm getting sick. She says I look pale and thin.

I told her I was writing to you.

She also thinks that it will help me.

I just don't know.

WOULD I EVER MOVE ON? I hope I do.


	14. Chapter 14

7/29/2014

I'm in your vault.

I can't believe you slept here. It's cold, dark and lonely.

You left your magic book here.

Do you know that?

I guess not.

I'm touching everything because you can't stop me.


	15. Chapter 15

7/30/2014

So I'm alone in this big house tonight.

Henry went to a sleepover.

The kid is growing so fucking fast. It's scary.

Regina, I'm in your room.

I can feel you next to me, but when I open my eyes you're not here.

I don't think I hate you anymore, I don't think I ever hated you.

I found my new favorite spot.

Your bed. Your smell still lingers.

Your pillow smells like apples and expensive perfume. Is it really that expensive?

Fuck. I don't hate you.

I miss you.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello, **

**It's Saturday. Yay! Hope everyone is having a good weekend so far. Here is today's chapter. Please review and share. I'd love to hear back from you! **

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7/31/2014

Henry came home today.

He asked if I have news about you.

Regina, it's been almost two months since you left.

And almost two months of no sleep.

I can't sleep.

I'm scared that if I close my eyes, the darkness is going to come back.

I don't have anyone to save anymore.

I can't be the savior everyone wants me to be.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello, **

**Well I'm in a incredible mood today so here's another chapter. Also shotout to my amazing beta Caryn.!**

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8/01/2014

Archie says I need to move on.

Everyone is moving on.

I'm trying to track you down.

I've got clues as to your whereabouts. You forgot that before I was the savior, I used to **search for** people.

Wherever you are, Regina, I will find you.


	18. Chapter 18

**It's Once day! **

**Hope everyone enjoyed tonight's episode. Personally, I'll have to wait until tomorrow or later to watch it. Also I have reached a mark of 30 followers, which means the world to me! Thank you for reading and supporting this fic. I love you all!**

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8/02/2014

Today marks two months since I last saw you.

I'm looking all over the mansion for clues, but you left nothing.

Today, while I was searching all over your fucking house, I found your silver shirt.

So I'm wearing it because it makes me feel closer to you.

No one knows about this feeling. I don't want them to know about it.


	19. Chapter 19

**One more because I love you all, and my WhatsApp group of friends deserve another update.**

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8/03/2014

It's 3 a.m.

I just woke up from a bad dream. I dreamt about you. You look so beautiful, so fierce.

Regina, the dream felt so real, for a second I could feel your hand laying on top of my shoulder.

But then the thunder woke me up. And I was laying in your bed alone.

That's when I remembered that you are gone.

Would I ever know why you left?

Crap. I need to go back to sleep.

I work tomorrow morning and Mary Margaret insists on not letting me get to work late.


	20. Chapter 20

**Quick update before bed. Enjoy! And tell me what you think or feel :)**

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8/05/2014

I'm sorry I didn't write last night.

Ha! Who knew I would actually apologize for not writing to you?

Anyway, these past two days were hell.

Can you believe I had to once again let Leroy out of jail?

He has a drinking problem.

Other than that things are the same.

Henry comes home every day asking for you.

I have the same answer over and over again.

You know about four years ago I would of been happy with you gone.

But now? Now I'm secretly dying for your presence.

Come back soon.


	21. Chapter 21

**Happy Monday! **

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8/06/2014

I've been eating. Well trying, actually.

I laugh at the memory of you.

"You eat like a child." You were right, I do.

Grilled cheese sandwiches are still my favorite and I drink root beer just for the memory of you.

I miss your apple cider too.

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**JK it's Tuesday **


	22. Chapter 22

8/07/2014

Damn it Regina!

Who the fuck do you think you are to decide when you can just walk out of our lives like that?

Did you even stop for a second and think how Henry would feel?

You are such a selfish bitch.

What am I supposed to do when the kid comes home hoping you'll be here?

What am I supposed to do when he won't talk to me because he's sad you are not here?

I didn't ask for this. He didn't ask for this.

I could punch you right now.

I can't believe I'm crying for you. You don't deserve my tears or Henry's.


	23. Chapter 23

**I never said it, but I do not own anything. Just the time put into writing it.**

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8/08/2014

I haven't been sleeping.

I mean I get at least three hours of slumber, but never actual sleep.

You want to know something funny?

The only place I feel at peace is in your bed. I lay there and **close** my eyes, imagining you next to me.

I'm sorry I exploded yesterday, but Henry misses you so much. It hurts to see him so hurt because of your absence.

I miss you so much and I don't know **how to deal** with it…

I talked with Archie today.

He thinks I'm getting better… With my **fear** of becoming evil again.

But to be honest, I'm still scared as fuck.

I wish you were here.

Is that weird?

That I miss you this much?

I never thought I would.

Goodnight Regina.

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**N/A: What did you thought? **


	24. Chapter 24

8/09/2014

Hi! Guess what!

I slept good last night. I finally got a good night sleep!

No bad dreams, and no good dreams either.

Today I got in contact with one of my old co-workers in Boston. His name is Omar, you wouldn't like him. He has a potty mouth. But he has a good heart.

He is searching for your car.

Henry nearly sucked the air out of my lungs with his hug when I told him.

You should have seen the smile on his face Regina. He hasn't smiled at me like that for months.

I'm so happy I could give him a little bit of happiness and peace.

You know him.

He believes we can find you. He thinks I can bring you home and give you a happy ending.

Do you think I could?

I made you a promise not too long ago that I would, and Regina I swear I will stick to my word. But I need you to be here to make it happen.

Also happy one month anniversary. Today marks a month of me writing here.


	25. Chapter 25

8/10/2014

Mary Margaret thinks I need to stop eating fast food and to stop writing you. She says that it's been three months since you left. Since I let you go. That you won't come back. And if you wanted to be found, you would have left a trail, but Regina...

I know how much you love Henry, I know you wouldn't have just left like that. I know you think you are protecting him from you, but you don't have to.

I'm eating and starting to sleep more now. I'm not giving up Regina. I will find you. I

'll bring you home. We miss you. Henry and I.

You are our family. Please come back soon.


	26. Chapter 26

8/11/2014

Boston.

Your last stop was Boston. Or at least that's where Omar found your car.

Did you see it? Do you still own it? So many questions.

You know that wasn't an smart move. Should I go find you now? Should I leave everything? Would you like to see me? Should I give you space?

Henry is dying to see you.


	27. Chapter 27

**Would you look at that. Four updates in a day. Yay! Gaby haha. Anyways enjoy my beautiful readers. Also thank you so much for the reviews, they mean the world to me!**

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8/12/2014

Work is slow as always.

Funny thing? Now that Ursula, Cruella, Maleficent and Rumple are gone, things are pretty slow and boring.

If you are wondering, yes, I've moved into your room.

That's the only place I can sleep.

Is not like you can stop me anyways.

You know… At night, it's the only place where nightmares don't haunt my ass.

It's my little piece of heaven. Sometimes I imagine you are laying next to me. And in the morning I always think you just got up early and left to work.

It helps me to thing this way. It's less painful. When would you come back?

Fuck Regina. I miss you.


	28. Chapter 28

8/13/2013

Omar has been following you. We still don't know where you live.

He says he found a woman who fits your description perfectly, but he is not one hundred percent sure, so I can't get too excited. And that's why I have't shared this information with Henry yet. I don't want the kid getting excited for nothing.

Oh crap! I think I just burned my hot cocoa! Gotta go.


	29. Chapter 29

8/14/2014

Bad news. I did burn my hot cocoa last night. Good news is that I didn't burn your house down.

I guess you'll be happy to know that I was acting like a housewife and cleaned the house today.

Who would have thought that I could do it?

I'm in such a great mood.

I have hope that Omar will call one of these days telling me that he found you for good.

Is it dumb to have a suitcase ready?

I've packed. I'm ready to go get you once he finds you.


	30. Chapter 30

8/15/2014

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

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**I'm the devil, I know. **


	31. Chapter 31

**I hope you don't hate me after the last chapter!**

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8/16/2014

This is not the way things are supposed to be going.

When I personally hired Omar to bunny hunt you, he was supposed to do it fast. Quick. It was supposed to be easy.

You were supposed to be home by now.

And yesterday when he called…

I thought for a second that he had good news, that I could finally tell Henry I found his mommy and that I would be on my way to go get her.

And what exactly did I learn today?

That you fucking sold your car! How could you have fucking sold your fucking car, Regina?

Do you realize how upset this makes me feel?

It's like I take three steps forward and you take four back.

I don't think I can keep getting my hopes up that I will find you any longer.

I'm only hurting myself because Ms I-only-care-about-how-I-feel doesn't want to be found.


	32. Chapter 32

8/20/2014

I spoke with Omar once again.

He seems to have information on an apartment that was just rented about two month ago by a woman who fits your description.

I'm driving to Boston tomorrow.

I'll see you soon.


	33. Chapter 33

8/21/2014

It's 5 p.m.

I'm about to drive out to Boston.

Henry is staying with my parents. He's excited.

I honestly don't fucking know how I feel.

I'm still upset about the whole car thing.

I guess we'll see once I'm there.


	34. Chapter 34

**Hello, **

**Thank you so much for all your reviews! They mean the world to me. To the Guest, all I ask is for more patience, we are getting closer to the story line. Just give me a few more chapters :) **

**Enjoy! **

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8/22/2014

I'm in a crappy motel, with bad lighting and a bed that I'm pretty sure shouldn't be called a bed anymore. But hey! Highlight of the day?

Who am I **kidding**? I would gladly take a shot to the heart to get out of here. But my bug is much worse than this, so I'll settle for it.

I'm hoping I can find you tomorrow so we can drive **back** to Storybook, and my poor ass can be excused from this old crappy as hell place.


	35. Chapter 35

8/23/2014

Omar and I waited outside the apartments for more than half a day, and we didn't see you. Nor did we see anyone that could fit your description.

Something in my heart says it's you, but it seems that Madame ex-Mayor wants to play hide and seek with me. Well Regina, game on! If you think you can hide away from me, well then you are completely delusional. I used to find people for a living, and finding you is a little bit more personal than you think. I'm bringing you home to Henry even if I die trying.

Okay maybe not die because the kid needs one of us with him.


	36. Chapter 36

8/24/2014

Do you know how boring is to wait outside the apartment for what feels like years? Let's not mention the fact that Omar doesn't find my jokes funny. I can't believe the dude wouldn't laugh at them. Ugh!

Anyway, today was my last day waiting outside to see if you would come out. Tomorrow, I'm going in.

There's about five floors in your building, if I have to ring each and one of the fucking doorbells, I will.

See you tomorrow, your Majesty.


	37. Chapter 37

**Hi, **

**Anyone else dying with the Bello Magazine pictures? Anyways, thank you so much to everyone who takes there time to review, fav, and follow. I try to reply to all the reviews as much as I can. **

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8/25/2014

Omar and I went in. Turns out that you only rented the apartment for a month. I guess you couldn't handle a micro apartment. I mean the apartment is just the size of your bathroom **alone**. I know it was you because when I described you the guy at the front desk knew who I was talking right away. Quite the impression you made your majesty.

Seriously Regina, you went from royalty to peasant. Really Regina? Really you were **living** in that? Even I can do better.

I can't believe I'm laying on this bed with the memory of you, I swear I could even smell your perfume. It's like you are haunting me, every breath I take, every fucking step I take is like you are there. Regina, I was so **close** to finding you. Do you know how it feels to have your hopes up just to have them crushed? This is like when I was in the foster system and I would be taken into a new family, just to be returned a week later.

It's **frustrating** and tiring.


	38. Chapter 38

8/26/2014

I'm back to square one.

I came **home** with bad news. Not the news that Henry was expecting, and not the news I wanted to give him. Fuck, Regina. This is harder than I thought it would be. I don't think I can keep going like this any longer.

Seeing Henry so **heart broken** kills me.

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**And somehow I feel guilty about this...**


	39. Chapter 39

**Shoutout**** to my beta Caryn! You rock!**

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8/27/2014

I'll give it one more try.

But if I don't find you, that's it.


	40. Chapter 40

8/28/2014

Last night I couldn't sleep.

Like at all!

I guess it's okay to blame you. I was thinking of the last time I saw you.

Regina, if you are reading this, please know you didn't do anything wrong. You saved me. You didn't let me fall onto the dark side. You were right. Dark magic can be addictive. It consumes you. It drags you in, and you can't escape from it. I was lost, and you saved me. I know you left because you think you are back to being the evil queen, and you are afraid of hurting Henry, but I know you are not like that anymore. So I guess I have to stop being mad at you for leaving.

Anyway, I talked to Omar again. He says he found a new phone number under Regina Mills. I'll call you tomorrow morning.

Maybe I can actually get some rest today. I'm starting to see the changes in my body. My face looks more pale than usual, my muscles are disappearing, and I can't even fit into my favorite jeans. No wonder Mary Margaret insists on me eating. And Henry is worried all the time. But that's it. That's the last of it. I'm going to get better for him and for myself. I've had enough of not being able to sleep due to being scared, and not being able to eat because I'm always wondering where you are. I'm going to get better and then find you.


	41. Chapter 41

8/29/2014

I called, and you picked up the phone.

But as soon as I heard your voice, I hung up. Fucking hell, Regina. I feel like a thirteen year old. I was so excited to hear your voice, and at the same time I felt a wave of anger crashing into me. You called back three times, in which I didn't have the balls to pick up. But don't worry, I set up a tracker to your phone. I know exactly where you are hiding.

I'm coming to get you.

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**The second part of this story is coming right up. Please let me know what you think. And stick by my side! Thank you for reading! **


	42. Chapter 42

**Hello,**

**As I promise, chapter 42 is the beginning of the second part of this story. I hope you can cope with the transition. I would truly appreciate the reviews. Tell me what you like, what you don't like. I'm almost done with this story, but if there's anything you wish to read, maybe I can add it to it. Thank you for reading. Thank you to Joana for giving me this prompt and thank you Caryn for been the best beta ever!**

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**_"A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty."_**

**_-poems-and-words_**

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"I think I'm done reading for the day," she said with a low voice.

The room was silent, and Emma refused to say a single word to Regina for the past two days.

"Emma, for Gods sake would you speak to me?"

Nothing.

"So you have being driving here for about three months now, every single weekend trying to convince to go back. You wrote this diary telling me how much you hate and miss me, and now you won't speak to me?" Regina crossed her arms. This was getting out of hand. Three months ago, when the blonde knocked on her door, so determined to take her home, she didn't think it would turn the way that it did. She was so sure, so convinced that staying away from Storybrooke and its inhabitants was the best decision she had ever made. That's why she hadn't stayed in Boston. It was too obvious and too easy to find her there. Instead she had found a city called Kennebunkport, next to the beach. Somewhere she wouldn't be found so easily and definably not recognized, but now, seven months later, she wondered if it was really the best decision she had ever made. This weekend when Emma had come knocking on her door like every single weekend, something was different, something had changed. Not because she hadn't kicked Emma out of her house with threats, and not because the blonde forced herself in anyways. This time it was different in the way Emma carried herself. The way she stared at her. When Emma had first come in she handed her the diary that she now had in her hands. "Read it," was all she had told her, making her way into the house, and ever since then she was ignoring her. The only time she actually spoke to Regina was during dinner time. Other than that she was getting the silent treatment. And boy, it burned her with anger to be treated this way in her own house.

"EMMA SPEAK TO ME!" She demanded, the vein in her forehead making an appearance, her eyes dark with anger.

Emma was startled with the last reaction Regina had just had. The whole week she had been thinking of a way to inform the brunette she was not going to come back. Hence the silent treatment. She was tired, frustrated, and that she was giving up on her. She no longer had any strength left to fight for her or for Regina. Emma had tried everything, she had searched for Regina for three months straight. Every Friday driving until midnight, hoping that that weekend would be the lucky one, and every weekend for those three months, she had returned home empty handed. She had returned to Henry with bad news. She had returned home to see how their kid would frown at the response, but never stopped believing Regina would one day come back. Every weekend Emma would go back home to an empty bed, a bed she shared with her nightmares. She honestly didn't know how stupid she had been, thinking that of all people, Regina would actually appreciate her actions. Week after week, Mary Margaret and David tried to convince her that if Regina wanted to come back, she would on her own, the same way she had left. But Emma chose to not believe them. Instead she found herself stuck at Regina's house giving her the silent treatment, just hurting herself in the moment. Because if Regina leaving so suddenly had been painful for her.. Well sharing the same room and not speaking was even worst. Ignoring her every time Regina spoke to her was hard at the beginning, but Emma grew accustom to it. Regina had in her power, Emma's diary. The diary she had been writing in for the past seven moths. It was her last chance to change the brunette's mind, and bring her home with her. Maybe, just maybe if the brunette learned how Emma felt towards her she would come back with her and they could start all over. Maybe reading her diary would be enough to convince Regina that not everything was very without her. That their son missed her. That Emma needed her. Emma knew that there was a huge change Regina wouldn't read it or that she wouldn't change her mind, but Emma didn't care. Not now.

"Are you coming home with me or not, Regina?" Emma asked, refusing to look her in the eyes. She knew that if Regina said no one more time, her heart would break into millions of pieces like it had every single weekend before.

"Emma, please."

"No, Regina, don't. I'm fucking tired of this whole situation. You left because you thought you had turned evil. But you didn't. You only killed them to save me. To save me from the darkness growing in my heart, from the addiction of the dark power. You saved me, yet you couldn't see yourself as the savior. I failed at my job, and you had to save me. But you didn't even let me say thank you. You just left. Do you know how much that hurt Henry? How much it hurt me? of course you don't! You don't realize how much of a selfish bitch you can be. And how much of a selfish bitch I am for forcing you to come back. This whole situation is just so fuck up" Emma was breathless. She discovered that it was easier writing it than saying it out loud. No matter how many times she had practiced this, nothing could prepare her for the wave of feelings she was feeling at the moment.

"Emma, just...just stop, please."

"This is the last time I'm coming after you, Regina. If you don't come back to Storybrooke with me, you won't see me ever again. Those are my final words." Emma didn't wait for an answer. She took her jacket hanging behind the door, and as she put it on, she turned around to see Regina still standing, frozen at that moment, staying her actions, "I'm going for a walk. I need air." And with that she left. On her way out, she made sure to slam the door behind her. That would give her the message, she thought as she finally made her way out. She needed air. She needed someone to talk to. So she pulled out her phone and dialed the only person she knew who would understand her under the circumstances.


	43. Chapter 43

**There are no words to how grateful I am with all of you. Thank you for reading! I also want to thank Joana for the cover for this story. You should all check her art at artbyjoana. tumblr .com, she's pretty amazing guys. **

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**_"There is nothing absolute. Everything changes,_**

**_everything moves, everything revolves -_**

**_everything flies and goes away."_**

**_-Frida Kahlo (The Diary of Frida Kahlo: An Intimate Self-Portrait)_**

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"Henry," She said trying to contain her tears.

"Ma? Ma, what's wrong? Is mom coming **HOME**?"

"I don't know Henry, she just read the diary, and things got out of hand, so I came out for some fresh air."

"You yelled at her, didn't you?"

"Sort of kid. Look, don't get your hopes up. I don't think she's coming home yet."

Home. A simple word. One place. The only place where she finally felt loved. The place were she could finally see her kid grow up. The place where she had met Regina. The place where Regina was trying so hard to run away from, yet she craved Regina's presence so bad in Storybrooke. She still couldn't understand how she had gone from hating her to needing her.

"I know Ma. Just come home soon, please."

"I will. And Henry?"

"Yes?" He said with a low voice.

"I love you." And with that she hung up.

The night was perfect for a long walk, so she walked to the shore. The dark sky was illuminated by little white dots that were the stars. The stars and the moon were her only audience, the only thing that would witness what she was about to do. She allowed her tears fall down her pale cheeks. Tears she had been bottling up for the last months. And that she so hardly had held in. She swore she wouldn't cry again. No for Regina, yet here she was. A mess.

Emma couldn't understand why, why in the world Regina keep denying her come back to Storybrooke. At first she thought it was because Regina had found someone in Kennebunkport, that maybe Regina had fallen in love and that perhaps she was happy. But Regina self had made it clear that she nor in love or happy. In fact Regina had admitted to be unhappy, and lonely, but that there was no way she was **GOING BACK**. She was afraid that if she went back she would seem has the evil queen rather than Regina. That she would be blame for what she had done and that this time she didn't have the enough strength to fit everyone back. To this Emma only answered with the true.

Emma had made it super clear to Regina that no one saw her as the evil queen anymore, in fact everyone saw her as a hero for saving Emma from the Queens of Darkness when Emma needed her the most. Emma would forever be grateful with Regina. She had saved her from her worst, from the darkness growing within herself. The priced Regina had payed for it was by far the worst one. She had quitted to Henry. She had left all she knew as home and had started over. Emma understood that maybe Regina would never come back. But she also knew that there was a possibility she would. And that was enough for Emma to get a hold onto it. Her last breath of hope.

* * *

After Emma had stormed out of the house so abruptly, Regina sat down. She caressed the diary she held so dearly. It hadn't caught up to her what she was actually doing. But when she looked down, she remembered. She remembered all the things the blonde had written down. The nights she proclaimed to hate her, the majority of nights that Emma went without sleeping, the times Emma wrote about Henry, everything. The feeling was overwhelming. Her intentions were not to hurt them, but to keep them safe from her, because what she had done was unforgivable.

She had taken the life of yet another group of people. Yes, she had done it to save Emma, to save Emma's heart from going dark, but nonetheless she had taken the life of three women. Those three women at some point in her life were who she dared to call friends. She had no regrets though. She would do it again if she had to. For some odd reason, Regina had grown to appreciate and value Emma Swan. Maybe it was because she was Henry's biological mother and they shared him. Maybe it was the many nights they shared drinks, or maybe it was because deep inside of her, she knew she loved her. But of **COURSE** she wouldn't allow herself to believe that completely. Yet, she was in agony at this moment. Just the thought of Emma being mad destroyed her. But could she ever go back to Storybrooke? Could she ever face Henry? No, she couldn't. Not after she had left so abruptly, not saying anything or leaving an explanation for him. Her actions were unforgivable. She had gone through this, time after time. For the last three months, every time Emma asked the question, "Are you coming?" She always had the same answer. "No."

Regina was tired. So very tired. She was tired of having to fight, of always having her walls up, of pretending to be someone just to be accepted. Just before she had left Storybrooke, people were starting to accept her, not seeing her as the Evil Queen anymore, but as Regina. Would people still treat her like that? Or would they treat her as the Evil Queen again? Probably as the Evil Queen, she was back at her old habits. Regina let a small mocking laugh come out as the memory rushed to her mind again "Old habits, die hard". Regina took a deep breath, and left the diary on the closest table, unfinished. She took her jacket and made her way out of her penthouse. She needed to find Emma and talk with her.

* * *

By the time Regina finally found her, she walked up to Emma, she found her sitting on a bench, lost in the view of the ocean. It brought her memories of the past. When they had once shared a view into the ocean sitting in benches.

"Emma can we talk?" Regina said as she took a seat on the opposite side of Emma. She immediately saw how the blonde was cleaning her face. Tears. Emma had been crying before she got there. Emma cleared out her throat and sat up straight, still not making eye contact with Regina and remaining silence for a little longer.

"What do you want Regina?" she said softly. She didn't intend for it to come out as rude, but it did.

"Look, I know what you are trying to do. You came here to bring me back to Storybrooke, but I don't want to return. I'm tired of pretending I don't hear people talking behind my back, the way they stare, the way everyone studies each and every move I take. I just can't take it anymore. I am truly sorry I left so abruptly and didn't say goodbye to Henry, but I wanted to go. What I did is unforgivable. I saved you. And I would do it all over again if I had the chance, but I would also leave again."

"Do you have any idea how this has affected Henry? He's always asking about you, Regina. There's not a day that went by that he didn't ask where you were."

"He is a strong boy, Emma. Besides, he has you. He doesn't need me." she tensed, the atmosphere felt tick and it made it hard to breath, hard to think.

"And that's where you are wrong." Emma said finally facing Regina.

"I could be, yes." she looks down to her hands.

"How did you do it?"

"Do what, darling?" Regina manages to look back at Emma. To those emerald eyes that could speak for themsevels. Eyes in which she wish she could fall sleep looking at. The eyes that hold the truth of Emma's feeling, yet it kept them secure for the outside world.

"Stay strong. Sleep through the night."

"You mean after I became the evil queen?"

"Yes." Emma said with a low voice.

"I didn't. For years and years, I didn't get to rest at night. It wasn't until the sun was about to rise that I would allow my eyes to close. The people, the murders, the towns. Everything would haunt me at night. I could feel my own heart growing darker and darker by the minute, but there was nothing I could have done to stop it. So eventually you learn to not fight your demons, but surrender to them." That had taken Regina a great amount of effort to say out loud. She hated to look and be vulnerable in front of other people. But she knew she could always be open with Emma, as she trusted the woman. She wasn't sure why or how that had happened, she was just glad it had.

"So am I supposed to do the same?"

"I would think so. Look Emma, dealing with darkness? The darkness within your heart is not a walk through the park. You'll learn to embrace it, to respect it, but you'll also learn that there are boundaries you should never cross, for the sake of Henry and yourself." Regina had to get up. She couldn't stay still while having this conversation. Emma remained sitting.

"What if I can't? What if I give up, Regina? What about Henry then?"

"Miss Swan, don't be so naive. I know you are stronger than you think you are. Don't let fear overpower you. Now let's go back to the apartment. It's starting to get too chilly out here" as she gave a clasp on Emma's shoulder.

"Regina wait," Emma said as she also got up from her spot. Before she spoke again, she studied the brunettes face, searching for some reassurance in her eyes, but she didn't find any. "Would you come back to Storybrooke with me and Henry?"

"No."

* * *

**I'm sure by now you notice our Regina, is not the Regina we all know, well not completely anyways, I think I'm going to star posting one chapter per week. Don't hate me lol **


	44. Chapter 44

**Hello, **

**So I just want to clarify that now I will only post once a week. So here's this weeks chapter. Enjoy! **

* * *

**_"Oh darling will you promise_**

**_Promise me that you'll be strongest_**

**_In your weakest moments"_**

**_-Anika_**

* * *

Emma drove into the night, "_You better not cry. You know better than this" _she repeated herself over and over again as she got closer to Storybroke. Once more she returned empty handed, once more she would have to explain her son how his mother wouldn't come back. Yet Emma knew that wasn't the only thing that bother her. It was the fact that she had left her diary with Regina, all her emotions were written down, her struggle, her weakness and her anger. But also a confession. A feeling, that one feeling you cannot shake off no matter how much you want it go. No matter how much you try to ignore. She had confessed something. All she could hope for was for her diary to be taken serious and her confession to be taken with the best interest and not as a joke.

Finally Emma got back just on time to take Henry to school, when Henry saw his mom coming through the door with a defeated look and dragging herself, he knew right in that moment that yet again her attempt to change Regina's mind had failed, and he was also aware of what that meant. No more trying. It had been three long months of failure, he knew she was tired and that all hopes of Regina returning had died. But he decided that he would keep his. He knew Regina. He knew she loved him more than live itself and that sooner or later she would give in and come back. He just wished it could be sooner rather than later. Emma as always had pretended to be okay and gave Henry a forced smile as she said bye to him at the school gate.

Once back in the emptiness of Regina's mansion Emma made her way to Regina's room, the stairs seem to keep adding up as she kept going up. Never ending. Like her suffering and nightmares. She opened Regina's room door, and she saw the unmade bed, she didn't care to undress, she launched herself to the bed and curl up into a ball in the middle of the king sized bed. She gave in. She let the tiredness of her body, mind and soul take over. Tears streaming down her emerald eyes, hugging her knees as hard as she could. It felt like it was the only thing she could really hold on to. The memory of Regina's words running through her mind "Eventually you learn to not fight your demonds but to surrender to them," she thought how that be possible? How could she let the darkness win. She cried for what felt hours. At some point she called Regina's name. Just the thought of Regina hurt her and made her angry. How could the brunette be so selfies and give up, just run away instead of fight. She was angry at Regina for doing this to her. But she was even angrier at herself for allowing herself feel this way. Eventually Emma drifted into sleep.

Regina hadn't been able to sleep at all after the way Emma left. She didn't wait for the morning to arrive or say her usual goodbye. And she definitely didn't make her promise to come this weekend again. Regina knew she wouldn't. What the blonde had told her the night before was real and true. That was the last time she would come back for her. Now Regina was all on her own and feeling ten times worse than when she had first left. She was now sitting by the window with a cup of coffee and Emma's diary sitting on the table in front of her. Saturday morning she hadn't understood what the purpose of Emma handing her diary and making her read it was. Was that a cruel way of letting her know how much she hated her? She wasn't sure. Ever since the first entry, Emma seemed to not be wanting to do it. But as the days passed, she saw that Emma kept coming back. Reading about Emma's sleepless nights, wishing she could have been there, soothing her, helping her, the way no one did with her. She wished she could have helped her, but she couldn't and now guilt was eating her alive. In some of the entries, Emma mentioned Henry, Archie, and even Mary Margaret. It was so odd that she felt like she missed the annoying Snow White, but in her own strange kind of way, she did. In fact she missed everyone more than she would ever admit. She turned to the page where she had stopped reading the night before. Emma's first time in Boston. If she would have known Emma was looking for her in her old apartment, perhaps she would have moved sooner. But she was also glad to see that Emma missed her and wanted to see her as much as she did.

Regina couldn't lie, during these past months she had learned things about herself that she would have probably never learned if she had stayed in Storybrooke. She learned that she liked the bay side more, that maybe vanilla coffee isn't that bad, that perhaps she could socialize more, and most important of all, she learned that she missed Emma Swan more than she should. She missed her smile, and the way she would say Regina or Madame Mayor. She missed teasing and sassing Emma at any opportunity she could find. She missed Friday dinners with her and Henry. But most importantly, she missed the blonde's presence. Maybe that was the reason why she allowed Emma to return every weekend for the past three months. Just the presence of Emma brought her a little bit of life and happiness back, even if they just sat in the small living room staring at each other, or watching movies. Because of this, Regina discovered that Emma had a fascination for bloody, scary movies, but she also had the soft side for romantic chick flicks. Three months of waking up every Sunday to a half naked Emma laying on her sofa wearing only a tank top and underwear. It reminded her of years ago when she had gone to visit Emma at Granny's Inn and Emma shamelessly had opened the door in nothing but red lace underwear and a white tank top. "_Memories_," Regina said out loud as she traveled down memory lane. It was the second time it happened this weekend in less than twenty four hours. She went back to reading, and as she got further, she discovered that her phone had a tracking device in it. Emma had explained exactly how she had found her. She just decided to ignore it at the moment, but reading it…well reading, "I set a tracker to your phone," was a totally different level of anything she had experienced before. It was an invasion to her privacy, yet she welcomed it with open arms.

Regina flipped the page. There was only one more entry. No date whatsoever. Only a long, simple paragraph. If Regina was being honest, it even looked like a letter. She decided that she would read it, but first she needed to shower and go for her morning run to clear her mind. This was a new habit she had picked up ever since her arrival in Kennebunkport. It relaxed her to run by the beach, especially on foggy mornings like today. Somehow it made her feel like she was back in Storybrooke, but without the stress or the pressure she felt living there. She wasn't much of the running type. No. She was definitely not the running type, but she needed to do something, or she was going to lose her mind. So one morning, she got up and went out for a run, discovering that she loved it. So for the past three months and a week, she had been doing it. Today was no different. Yes, she had a hurricane in her mind that needed to be released soon or she would explode and go back to square one. Emma's last entry could wait a little longer. Regina's mind couldn't.


	45. Chapter 45

**Hello,**

**So after a writer block I think it is safe to say I am back writing, which means.. I get to post. I apologize for this chapter been extremely short, but I felt that what comes after it, wasn't very fitting, so here it is. Please leave a review, I appreciate them very much.**

**Also if anyone was wondering if I own any social media sites, my Twitter handle is EvilParrilla, stop by and say hi lol.**

* * *

**_"It is only with the heart_**

**_that one can see rightly._**

**_What is essential is invisible to the eye"_**

**_-Antonie de Saint- Exupéry (The Litte Prince)_**

* * *

Emma woke up two hours later, the light of the sun was coming through the window. Her head pounded like crazy. She was sure that if she didn't take any medicine any time soon, she was going to get a migraine, and honestly that was the last thing she wanted. Soon after she took the pills she went back to bed. Being in Regina's bed was all she felt like doing. The memory of the sound of Regina's voice itself made Emma tremble, by now she must have gotten to her confession Emma thought. If Regina read her diary for reals. Emma was dying with curiosity. That was her last card to play. Her last shot to make Regina change her mind, but also she was going to be free from keeping her secret to herself. No more hiding. Whether Regina liked it or not, Emma could never be sure. After another hour of lying in bed, her headache was gone. She went to the only place she knew she would find the comfort she needed while Henry was away. She went to see her parents.

Regina was once again sitting with Emma's diary sitting in front of her. It was time. She opened the page she knew was strictly for her.

_Dear Regina,_

_I swore I'd never tell you I loved you,_

_but the case is different now. Never_

_say you were my weakness, because_

_you were my savior._

_All I want now is to spend all my sunrises with you,_

_and most importantly, I want to lay down with you every night._

_I tried to write it down, but never _**_FOUND_**_ the right words._

_I tried to speak it out, but I never found the voice. And now as I write to say good bye to you,_

_I've found the strength I need._

_Regina Mills, you are beautiful._

_You are my will, my ability to go on._

_My strength lives in you, so please come home __and break the spell that lies in my heart._

_Come _**_HOME_**_ and save me once more._

_I love you._

_Henry loves you too._

_He misses you every second of every day._

_We love you, Regina._

_We are waiting for you._

_-Emma_

A startled Regina closed the diary. "What did I just read?" She kept asking herself. She knew exactly what she had read, and she knew that it wasn't a lie. She just knew that it was right, but yet, it frightened her to know the real emotions Emma had for her. One thing was to daydream about her feelings being mutual, but it was something totally different to know it was real. "This can't be happening, this cannot be happening right now." It was happening, and she knew it. She got up from her spot and paced back and forth in her small living room. "Damn it Emma Swan!" she yelled before she made her way into her room. Her first reaction was to throw everything within reach. After that, she burst into tears. She couldn't understand how this could be happening. For three months Emma had come after her. She had perfect opportunities to declare her love face to face, but she never did. It was then that it hit Regina. Maybe Emma was just as scared to say it out loud. Maybe she was scared that the feelings wouldn't be returned. And it all made sense. Why had Emma joined the dark side for her? Why had Emma kept coming after her, even after she left so abruptly? The blonde didn't give up until she found her. There was only one more thing left to do. The only thing that could fix the mess she made.


	46. Chapter 46

**So, I decided that a double update would do today. **

**I also wanted to take my time and say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING ME; you guys have no idea how great I feel when I read your reviews and when I see someone has followed or favorited the story. It means the world to me!. **

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**_"Sometimes it hits me slowly, sometimes all at once but either way it hits me. It hits me and it hurt_**

**_And it aches after like a deep cut to my bones or a bullet to my chest."_**

**_\- Savannah Black_**

* * *

Emma ended up spending all day at her parents' house. She found what she was looking for and a little more. Comfort and love. Mary Margaret ended up telling her that she knew all along that Regina wouldn't come back because she was stubborn, and once she had set her mind to something, there was nothing in the whole wide world that would take her mind off it. After dinner, Henry and she returned to the mansion. Everything looked the same, so after she made sure Henry was ready to go to bed she went to the guest room, grabbed a pair of pjs, and made her way to Regina's room. When she opened the door to the room, she had the surprise of her life. The brunette woman was sitting on the bed. At first Emma thought her brain was tricking her, but after she blinked, she saw that the ghost of Regina didn't go anywhere.

"Regina, what the hell?!" she stated somehow mad. Throwing her pjs to the floor.

"I see you've made yourself at home in my own house," She told her getting up from the bed.

"What? I don't get it you said you weren't coming," Emma said more confused than before, she bent down to pick up her clothes. Damn she hated when she acted like a kid, but she was too mad at Regina to even care.

"So you took over my house? My room? I'm actually surprised you haven't burned my house down."

"I don't cook." Emma made her way to Regina's bathroom, closing the door behind her as she changed.

"That's all? You're not going to ask me what made me change my mind? What made me come back?"

"No." Emma knew that Regina must have read her last entry, and if she did, then she knew how Emma felt about her. And that was probably something she didn't want to discuss just yet. The answer terrified her.

"Emma," Regina said taking one more step closer to Emma. They were now face to face, breathing the same air, looking into each other's eyes. Regina couldn't take it anymore. She closed the space that existed between them, and with a soft but demanding kiss, she claimed Emma's lips. The kiss wasn't wildly passionate, but the intentions and feelings were present. It started as a peck and as Emma's hands started to travel up Regina's back, the kiss became deeper. Emma didn't wait for Regina to allow her entrance, as she forced her tongue inside Regina's mouth. Regina didn't protest as Emma's tongue explored the warm inside of her mouth. They broke away panting for air. Still standing close to each other, hands resting on each other's backs, Emma's head rested on top of Regina's shoulder. While Regina's head rested just above Emma's heart, she could hear the fast heart beat of the blonde. She wasn't sure whether it was because of the kiss they had just shared, or the rush of the emotions they were sharing at the moment. She knew Emma would have plenty of questions. She knew she would be mad at her, but right at that second, she didn't mind. All she wanted was to hold her close and feel her the way she couldn't since she went away. Emma let herself be held. She didn't break the silence, simply standing with Regina in her arms and a big smile on her face. "Later," she thought. They would speak later.

Emma was the one to break the embrace, not saying anything. She simply looked into Regina's eyes. There was nothing to be said when they could communicate with their eyes as they had always been able to. There had always been something so powerful, a connection that neither of them had been able to recognize nor name until then. Regina smiled. Holding Emma's hand, she took them to the bed, each of them standing on either side. The silence was powerfully eminent, but it wasn't uncomfortable. As they communicated with their eyes, both women disposed of their shoes and got under the sheets, coming to the center of the bed where their bodies met. Their eyes were still locked on to each other, as if they were glued. Their breathing was slow and soft. Emma was admiring the woman next to her. She was still amazed to see her and to feel her next to her. She was happy she had finally come back. This was her home. The place she belonged. Regina couldn't take her eyes off of Emma, she was sure Emma was radiating happiness and there was nothing that could fill her heart with more peace than that. Finally both of them closed the little space that existed between them. That night they went to sleep in each other's arms with a smile on their hearts and faces. Whatever tomorrow would bring, they would face it with open hearts, because at last, they had gotten one night of just sleep. A night where nightmares were not haunting them, where memories could stay forgotten, and ghosts and fears could stay away because they were no longer afraid of them. At least for this night they would have that. A peaceful and free of nightmares night.

By the time morning came, Emma found herself in the king sized empty bed. She was in fact hugging the pillow. No traces of Regina's presence from the night before. Emma took a deep breath as she closed her eyes again. She hugged the pillow harder, holding it like if she was holding to her dear life. "_A dream_" she thought, she was about to break down once again, but she knew she couldn't. Not today. Not anymore. Not after finally getting a good night of sleep and peace. Maybe she was learning to embrace her demonds and maybe just maybe the thought of Regina laying next to her had help her, but she knew she wouldn't keep going like that. She couldn't depend of someone who wasn't there; someone who didn't love her back. She gathered herself together, one more day, and another day without Regina. Emma's eyes almost pop out of their place when she look to the side to the time. It was close to 1 pm she had slept through the morning. _Henry! _She though, had the kid gone to school, or did he actually use this as an excuse for him not to attend? She quickly raised up from bed and made her way to Henry's room. It was empty. She went downstair, searching each and every room. Empty again. She exhaled the breath she didn't know she had being holding all this time. The kid went to school. Once she was convinced that he in fact had gone to school, she made her way back upstairs. She needed to shower and go to work. So she did. Her day went by fast and lonely. Work seem to be slower than usual and the town seem to be hiding from her. But she didn't care. All she wanted was to go back to bed. Maybe in her now forceful sleep she could dream of Regina holding her once again. Making her feel safe, like the night before. But she knew that waking up again to an empty bed would be just as hard as it had been that morning. Eventually she could get used to it. "_Who needs her anyways" _she said as she made her way back to her bug.

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**A/N: I would say "Off with her head," but then who would write the story?**


	47. Chapter 47

**HI!**

**I have SwanQueen in my eyes ****after last nights episode. Regina was so over protective with Emma. It just melts my shipper heart. And the last scene? OMG! Someone owns me money. I totally saw the baby coming. Anyways here's this weeks chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave a review. Hearing back from all of you gives me that little help to continue writing! **

**Disclamer: I own nothing. This is done for just fun.**

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_**My darling,**_

_**You are only human,**_

_**and you are allowed to make mistakes.**_

_**You are allowed to fall apart sometimes.**_

_**You are allowed to hurt and feel pain too much.**_

_**You are allowed to ache and get jealous.**_

_**Be easy on yourself, and let yourself grow.**_

_**Let yourself learn.**_

_**Let yourself be.**_

_**You re only human,**_

_**and you are allowed to make mistakes.**_

_**-Nikita Gill**_

* * *

That morning, Regina woke up as the sun rose. Emma was still curled up in her arms, sleeping so peacefully, so graceful. She couldn't seem to find it in herself to wake the blonde up to come with her. So as she got up, she took the pillow she had been sleeping on and placed it in Emma's arms. The blonde took a hold of the pillow, not noticing the warmth or the difference between Regina and the pillow. Before Regina finally exited the room, she took one last glance at Emma. Her whole face lit up. Home. She was finally home.

Regina quickly made her way to Henry's room. She was surprised to find her child up and getting ready for school. She knocked on his door before she entered. Henry turned around fast, his face a mix of emotions. He didn't wait for Regina to say anything or move, running into her with arms making a strong embrace on his brunette mother. "Mom!" He yelled as he ran to her. Regina took her child in her arms surprised to see how grown Henry looked. It had been close to a year since she left, and her kid didn't look like a little boy anymore. He was now a young gentleman.

"Henry," Regina said as she hugged him tighter.

"Mom, you're back! I can't believe it!" He said, as he looked up to his mother's face, seeing tears spilling down her cheeks.

"I am, my little prince. I'm so sorry I left the way I did. I just… I couldn't.. Not after.."

Henry quickly cut her off "It doesn't matter. You're here now. With us. You are home."

As Regina heard him talk, all she could recall were the words "US" and "HOME". She grabbed undo those words and kept them closer to her heart. She needed them as much as she needed Henry's love to heal her. There was no way she could ever in her entire life leave them again. Not now, not ever. She realized the mistake had been in running away and not sticking to confront any consequences her actions could have. Henry loved her, and the fact that she had taken yet more lives didn't bother him. He still loved her. She was still his mother, and she never felt more home than now.

"Please don't leave us ever again. I know what you did," he said looking Regina straight in the eyes. He did this so she could see he wasn't lying, that he wasn't holding anything against her. "And I'm glad you did. You saved Ma, I would have done it too. Thank you," He said as he placed a sweet, kind, loving kiss on his mother's cheek. A simple kiss, a simple hug. This was something he had definitely missed during the 8 months she was away.

"Now my little prince, get ready for school. I'll take you after we have breakfast together."

"But mom, I have class in an hour," he said surprised.

"You can be late just this once."

* * *

Not too long after that, both mother and son left the house. They went to Granny's, where apparently half the town had decided to have breakfast. Regina was handling all the staring pretty well. Well until she grew fed up with it. She got up from her booth, and as she cleared her throat to talk, everyone turned around to face her.

"As many of you might have noticed, yes I'm back. I'm sorry I left so abruptly, but I am back, and I'm not going anywhere. Not today, not ever, so if you have an issue with that, please do say so now, so we can get a hold on the issue."

To her surprise, everyone who was in the diner started clapping. Regina was so confused. What was happening? The first people to come up to her were Belle and Ruby.

"Thank you Regina," both women said in a little chant. Regina was so lost and confused.

"Thank you for what, ladies?" She said tilting her head and frowning.

"For saving Emma from the darkness and saving the town once more," Belle said. She shook her hand and left. The action was followed by everyone who was present at the diner. Regina didn't know whether to run away, or cry, or smile. She went for the smile. She couldn't deny how good it felt to finally get recognition for something once in her lifetime. She was no longer seen as the evil queen, but was being seen as the savior. After everyone was done giving their thanks to Regina, she took Henry to school. Yet, she wasn't done. She had more things to do. Her next stop was Archie's office.

* * *

"Regina, you're back!" Archie said as he stepped to the side so Regina could come into his office.

"Archie, we need to talk," Regina said stepping in. They both sat down on opposite sides.

"What brings you here?" Archie asked dubiously.

"It's Emma."

"Regina, if you're about to ask me what Emma and I have discussed during our sessions, you know I can't due to patient confidentially. However, we can talk about you. How are you feeling?"

Regina took a seat as he took a deep breath. She knew this would happen. She knew Archie followed the code and he wouldn't discuss anything with her. But she also knew he would try to get her talking, and maybe, just maybe it was what she needed.

"I'm a mess, and I'm scared of hurting Emma again. She let me read her diary, and I can only tell you how much I hurt her and Henry when I left." Her voice had gone deeper with emotion, but quiet like a little girl who didn't dare speak up. She felt guilty. She was indeed, a mess.

"Well Regina, how does that make you feel?"

"It makes me feel as if I don't deserve their forgiveness."

"And what makes you think that?" Archie's voice was calm, relaxing, and soothing. If Regina wasn't lying, just hearing him talk brought her nervousness level down. Still, this subject was sensitive and rough for her. She hated to feel vulnerable or look weak in anyone's eyes.

"I ran away. I didn't say goodbye, I didn't want to be found, and when Emma found me month after month, Emma kept coming back. She begged me to return, and every week I turned her down. And that's nothing compared to the damage I must have created in Henry's life. I don't deserve their forgiveness or their love, yet I find myself coming back here, and feeling the need to be part of their lives again. Is that selfish?" Regina asked. There was self pity in her eyes, and her words were true. Archie could see it clear as day.

"Of course not. People often find themselves with the need for love and forgiveness from the people they love. It's only natural for you to feel as though you don't deserve their forgiveness, but Regina, have you forgiven yourself? Have you thought about it? If you can't forgive yourself, you won't be able to move on, to keep on with your life. And it's only going to eat you alive."

Regina thought of her answer for a second. She knew it. And she also knew what Archie would say. She needed to forgive herself in order to stay and live the life she wanted.

"No I haven't. I just can't find a way to forgive myself. I killed. I ran away, and I hurt the people I truly care about."

"We all know you saved Emma by taking their lives. As for you running away, they have forgiven you already. They have no hard feeling towards you. They just wanted you back. Forgive and forget, Regina. Move on from that, and you will see how extremely happy you can be." With that, Archie offered Regina a smile. It warmed her from the inside out. Soon after, they said their thanks and goodbyes. Regina was on the move. If she was truly going to forgive and forget, there was something else she needed to do.

* * *

The vault was cold and desolate like always. Every time Regina was there, she couldn't help but remember the lives of the people she loved that were gone. Daniel, her father, her mother, Zelena, and now Cruella, Ursula and Maleficent. The weight of their deaths lingered heavy in her shoulders. Their passing became harder and harder to carry as the days, weeks, months and years went on. She used to dream of the time when their deaths wouldn't be as heavy as they felt now, but she knew she was just fooling herself by thinking of such a matter. The passings would forever stay with her. They were mistakes and lessons that she would carry in her heart and memories that would disappear until the day she died. The only hope she really had was that one day they wouldn't weight as much. But that was just hope.

"Mother, I'm back," she said as she caressed the casket where Cora's remains laid. "I'm sorry I was gone. I'm sorry I left so abruptly, but I just couldn't stay. I'm back now though, and I needed to talk to you. I know you always told me that love was weakness, and sometimes I feel like it is, but I just can't help but to love Emma, mother.

When I saw her go down the dark path, I couldn't allow it. I couldn't let her become a monster like I am. Like you were. So I took the matter into my hands. I killed three women to protect her. To protect our family. Henry couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose her either. I have no regrets, you know?" She walked towards a chair still talking to Cora's casket. "I would do it again if it meant I saved Emma, but what I can't forget is that I made them suffer. I left town thinking I was protecting them both from me, and even then I hurt them. Momma, I don't know what to do." Regina rose up from her chair.

I want to be a family with them, I want to live under the same roof, make breakfast for them, have family days, have days only for Emma and I ad maybe even adopt another baby, one that Emma and I can raise together. I think it's silly to want all of this when I can't even forgive myself for what I have done. But maybe it's worth trying. Maybe love is not weakness but strength.

"I want to stay and be a family with them. I think I'm going to try it. They can be my happy ending, momma."

* * *

**A/N: Say what? Regina is really back. And here I was thinking Emma was going crazy.. **


	48. Chapter 48

**Hello, **

**I guess the time has come. I have now written the last chapter for this story. So hold on tight as our ride gets closer to its destination. I just wanted to say thank you so much for the support! Now here is today's chapter :) **

**-Gab95Lin **

* * *

**_"Bone-crushing silence_**

**_weighs on my chest;_**

**_'Who knew,_**

**_the absence of something_**

**_could feel so heavy?'"_**

**_-Brittany Rubio, Tongue-Tied._**

* * *

Emma drove home in silence. No music playing, no thoughts, no nothing. She felt numb. For so long, she had dreamed of the moment Regina would come back to her. She even dreamed of Regina apologizing for leaving her, confessing her endless love for her, but it never happened and it probably never would. Emma was tired just like she had been the last time she went looking for Regina. She was exhausted from fighting for something everyone always told her would never happen, and maybe they were right. Maybe Regina would never come back. And for this.. Emma was ready. Still she could't believe the rough way her mind had played her the night before. It felt so real to her. It was only heart breaking to wake up to an empty bed. A bed that wasn't even hers, but belonging to the person she missed so much.

When she finally reached her destination, she got out of the car and dragged herself to the porch. She slowly opened the door, as she knew Henry wouldn't be home. Earlier that day, the kid had informed her that he would stay over at his grandparents' house and play with Neal. There was nothing she could fight, especially feeling the way she did. So she agreed. Right now, she was glad she could have the house to herself. She didn't want to look weak or sad in front of her kid. She didn't have enough strength to fake a smile, and just wanted to curl up in Regina's bed and go back to her safe haven, at least for tonight. When she finally opened the door, there was something odd. Something that shouldn't be happening. The house smelled like fresh homemade food. Like someone had been cooking. Emma swore it was her mind tricking her, that this shouldn't be happening, because besides her, the house was empty.

"Hello?" Emma called taking her gun in hand. As she carefully moved towards the kitchen, she vigorously studied the house. As she passed through the hall way, she looked for signals that could tell her it was a break in. Nothing. Suddenly, Emma heard a banging noise coming from the kitchen. She quickened her pace. The moment she stepped into the kitchen, she froze.

"Jesus fucking christ! I could have killed you!" Emma yelled, lowering her gun and exhaling the air she didn't know she had been holding the entire time.

Regina turned around quickly, a welcoming smile already displaying in her face "I didn't hear you come in. Please wash your hands while I set the plates for us."

"What do you think you are doing?" Emma asked frowning. Was this really happening or was she really going nuts already? One could never know.

"I'm serving dinner for us, silly."

"No! I mean what do you think you are doing here?" Emma was too mad to think clearly. She was pissed off. Pissed off at Regina. Pissed off at herself. Pissed off at the whole situation. She was pissed off and tired.

"I thought it would be nice if I made dinner for us, especially since I owe you an explanation. Besides, I know that's what you must be waiting for."

"And what about you? What do you want?" She took a few steps closer, placing her hands in her back pockets.

"I want you," Regina said stopping and staring at Emma. She could see how the blonde was struggling. The emotions being played, and she knew this sensation very well. She was also aware that this was all her fault. She had created this situation. The moment she ran away from the town; that was the very same moment she had discovered how much of a bad idea all of it had been, but it was too late to just go back.

"And you think that after all I've been through because of you, I want you back? Yes Regina, you saved my life. You killed three women for me, but then you skipped town. You left Henry, you fucking left me without an explanation, and when I finally found you, week after week I begged you to come back, and you kept turning me down. And now all of the sudden you choose to come back? What kind of fucked up game are you playing huh?" With each word that Emma spoke, she took a step closer to Regina, her eyes full of anger and pain, "You think that because I let you kiss me and hold me last night, things are fine? What about today? Where the fuck were you today?" Emma was close to Regina. Close enough to recognize the guilt playing in Regina's eyes. The tears that were shining there. " answer me for christ sake!" Emma said after a while of silence.

Regina took a few steps back. She needed her space. She needed air. She never planned for it to go this way. When she had come up with the idea of having a romantic dinner with Emma, she never thought the blonde would be this mad at her. She expected Emma to be disappointed, but she also expected her to be happy to see her. To hug her and even repeat the kiss they had shared the night before. "Emma, I'm sorry," was all she could offer at the moment. "I never meant to hurt you so much. Never meant to hurt Henry, I jus…"

"Bullshit, Regina. Bullshit. You knew exactly what was going to happen," Emma said moving away from Regina.

"Please let me explain. Just give me a chance."

"Explain then," Emma said taking a seat.

"Emma what I did was despicable. I killed three women who back in the Enchanted Forest were my allies. I was cold blooded. I ripped their hearts out and crushed them. I didn't let them explain, or give them a second chance. I destroyed them before they could destroy you. That night, when they told me you had joined us and that they had made you torture August just to find out information, I knew that you were going to go to extreme lengths to be part of us. I wasn't going to allow that. I told you, dark magic is addictive, like drugs. It makes your heart dark, you get lost in it, and you can't see the light anymore. I've been there Emma, you have seen what I'm capable of. For Henry's sake, I wouldn't allow it. So I drove to the cabin, and when I saw them I lost it. I saw black, and I couldn't control myself, even after they begged me to let them live, that they would change I saw it in your eyes. I saw your soul being lost, and I killed them. I saved you, and in the process I lost myself. So that night, after I made sure you and Henry were safe, I packed everything I could. I took my car and I left. I didn't say goodbye or leave a note, because I knew that if I did, I wouldn't leave."

"I'm sorry." Emma was drowning in her own tears. Regina was containing hers trying to be as strong as she could.

"Don't be. I would do it all over again if I had to. When I got to Boston, I knew I couldn't stay there for long, not to mention how insignificant that apartment was. One day when I went to a coffee shop I used to frequent, there was this board with information, and that's how I discovered Kennebunkport. Until you found me, I was getting used to things. Every day I missed Henry, I missed you. And when you came, it was like my prayers had been answered, but I was also scared to come back here. It wasn't until I read your last entry that I gathered all my strength, and that's why I came back here. I want to do things right Emma, for you, for Henry, for me. But I can understand if you can't forgive me." After saying all she needed to say, Regina made her way out of the kitchen; she needed fresh air or she would pass out. Emma remained sitting down, processing everything Regina had just told her. Everything felt so surreal, like she was part of some weird twilight zone, but she knew everything that was happening was as real as Regina and she were.

Emma got up and followed Regina outside.

* * *

**N/A: There's about two or three chapters left. **


	49. Chapter 49

**Hello, **

**So I decided that I would post the last chapters of this story this week. This is the last one before the end. I hope you all enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. For those of you who are interested in my writing. I'm currently working on a new piece. I'm not sure when I would start posting as I like to have a few chapters ahead. But I do hope you would love it. Also for those of you who sent me prompts, I will write them and post them. Just be patient with me and thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

**_"And I knew_**

**_that I had lost my mind,_**

**_but I had found her"_**

**_-Mariah Gordon-Dyke (About Loving You)._**

* * *

"Do you think my mom is here to stay?" Henry asked as he played with baby Neal on the floor.

"I don't know sweetie, but the fact that she is here might be good," Snow said as she smiled at the two kids. It was true, she didn't know if Regina was here to stay or not. She could only hope, like everyone else. Snow was tired of seeing her daughter suffer. Only an idiot couldn't see she was in love with Regina. What remained unknown was whether she knew it herself or not.

"I hope she stays. I truly missed her," Henry said turning to Neal once more. Snow only offered a smile.

"Regina," Emma said as she stepped outside.

"Not now Emma, please."

"No Regina, listen." She didn't know how to say it, she was far too nervous, "I wanna apologize for attacking you the way I did. I don't know what got into me, but this morning when I woke up to an empty bed…well I thought I was going insane. That I was hallucinating, and then to see you here, cooking, I lost it, nothing made sense. Please forgive me. I'm an idiot, remember?" She provided what could only be a peace offering, a simple smile.

"Emma, I didn't come here to cook dinner and pretend nothing ever happened."

A very confused Emma said, "Then what did you come for?"

"You." With that, Regina closed the gap that was between them, gently taking Emma into her arms, embracing her. She slowly drove her lips into Emma's, able to feel the chastened warm lips of the person that she was dying to say "I love you" to. The kiss was shy and intimate, slow and somehow in the middle of everything, the kiss managed to be passionate. Regina demanded entrance into Emma's mouth, allowing her tongue to explore every inch of Emma's mouth with careful caresses of her tongue. She could feel how her hands daringly explored Emma's back, running through golden locks where they stayed. Emma couldn't think straight, as all her senses were avalanched by the emotions she was feeling. She was trying to breathe in Regina. To tattoo her arms, her lips, her essence into her mind once more. She wanted to make sure that she would never forget this moment. It was Regina who broke the kiss, still wanting to remain connected to the blonde, so she took her hands in hers.

"After dinner, there's something I want to give you," she said resting her forehead against Emma's "We can talk about this after dinner."

Regina took them inside, finishing the dinner and setting up everything. She had cooked her favorite: lasagna with her special little kick. Regina was pretty pleased to see that Emma had devoured her first plate and still had space for seconds. "I missed your food," she said as an excuse when Regina had watched with wondering eyes. For desert, they had a fruit tart, but they finished it in the study like the good old times. Regina made sure to make some apple cider as she knew that was something Emma missed. Emma was surprised when she was greeted with a glass of Regina's finest apple cider. She didn't want to admit it, but she was happy Regina had returned. She didn't know if it had been the fact that Regina had admitted to coming back for her, or the kiss, or even the dinner that had made her anger and insecurity go away, but she was glad it had. The night had turned out to be the highlight of the year.

"So," Emma said running her hands up and down her knees. She was nervous and her palms were starting to get sweaty.

"So," Regina said taking a sip of her own glass.

"What is it that you wanted to give me?"

"Emma, I.. Just like you, also wrote a diary while I was away. And I think it's only fair for you to read it." Regina got up from her spot. She walked towards the desk and picked up a red notebook. "I want you to read it, and only then can we discuss what will happen next. Don't worry, I won't kick you out of my room as I know that's the only place you get sleep. I will sleep in the guest room. I think it's only appropriate," Regina said as she walked towards the entrance of the study. "I will see you in the morning."

Emma studied the book, red leather, it reminded her of her very own red jacket. The one Regina claimed to hate so much. She finished her glass of apple cider and made her way into Regina's room. It was so weird to know Regina was just down the hall, and it was even more strange to know that though Regina was in the mansion, she was still sleeping in her room. She sat down on the bed and opened the first page.

_Dear Henry, _

_I'm sorry I disappeared. _

_I'm sorry I'm leaving you behind my little prince, but I prefer to disappear now rather than know you despise me once more. _

_I have no regrets for my actions as I have saved Emma from the darkness. I wish things could be different. _

_Please be good to Emma, focus in school, keep moving on, and perhaps one day when you have found forgiveness in your heart, and I have forgiven myself for my sins I will come back. _

_I can only wish you don't stop loving me. _

_As I only live for you. _

_Love, Mom. _

Emma knew that must have been the letter that Regina had written, but never left. It broke her heart to imagine Regina feeling so agitated by her actions, having to skip town to "save" everyone from herself.

She stayed up all night, Regina's diary was much more lengthy than hers. She read most of it. Some of the entries she read over and over again as she learned that Regina was having a battle against herself with her emotions. How blind could both women have been to never notice that somehow they were both in love? By the time Emma got through half of the diary, she could see the sun rising through the window. She closed it and made her way to Regina's room.

* * *

Before Emma went into Regina's room, she went to check in the guest room to see if Regina was sleeping. She had so many questions that needed to be answered, not from the diary, but from Regina herself. At last, some of her own worries had been sedated with Regina's diary. To her surprise when she opened the guest room door, Regina wasn't there. She closed the door and went into Regina's room. There she was. The brunette looked so peaceful and relaxed while she slept, like she had no care in the world. Emma's own mind played games, she swore she could hear voices in her head. These were the voices that didn't let her sleep at night. The voices that often would tell her to give up and let her heart go. The very same voices that had haunted her from a very young age. The voices of rejection, abandonment, anger, depression. They were her demons; demons that never left her side. They always kept pushing and pushing. She was tired of it, but she knew she had to be strong for Henry, for her parents, for Regina, but mostly, she had to be strong for herself.

As she walked toward the bed, she undressed, leaving a trail of clothes. She got in bed, from her side she could feel Regina's warm body, but she didn't dare touch her. No, she didn't want to disturb her peaceful sleep, at least one of them would get a well deserved sleep tonight. Her answers could wait.


	50. Chapter 50

**Hello lovely people,**

**I would be lying if I said that it doesn't sadden me for this to be the last chapter. Wow, 50 chapters. I can't believe it. I just wanted to take the time and thank Joana for giving me such a lovely prompt, I hope I wrote it to yours expectations. I would also like to say a huge THANK YOU, to my beta Caryn, she was there for me when I needed advice and to correct my errors. I don't know what I would be without you. But most importantly I want to say thank you each and one of you. Thank you for reading, for sharing, for reviewing, for following, for favoriting. Everything. It just means the world to me. Thank you! With that been said, here is the last chapter, I just hope it's what you all wanted. Until next time **

**-Gab95Lin. **

* * *

**_"Be gentle with me, new love._**

**_Treat me tenderly,_**

**_I need the tangle touch,_**

**_the soft voice,_**

**_the candlelight after _****_nine._**

**_There's been so many who didn't understand_**

**_so give me all the love I see in your timid eyes_**

**_but give it gently_**

**_Please."_**

**_-Rod McKuen. ("Two," Listen To The Warm)_**

* * *

Regina heard how the room door opened, she felt the weight of the bed change. She felt Emma's almost bare body next to her, but she didn't move, she didn't speak. She could feel Emma's own burdens, and from her own experience, she knew that sometimes it was better to stay quiet rather than confront it, because when the weight on your shoulders is more than what you can carry, well there's times that you give in and need some space.

Regina waited for Emma to fall asleep. When she knew the blonde was sleeping, judging from the snoring, she turned to face her. She studied every inch of her. She noticed the scar above her eyelid, the one she had given her the night they argued and fought in front of the vault. She saw the **WRINKLES** that were beginning to show in the very unattended skin. She saw the freckles, Emma's lips, everything her eyes could make out from the small beam of light she was getting. She noticed that even in her sleep, Emma look tired and worried. She knew they needed to talk, but she also wanted to make sure the blonde had read her diary and knew everything that had gone through her mind while she was away.

She **CHECKED** the time on the stand next to her, almost 5 am. She would let the blonde sleep a little longer, and then they would have a talk before Emma left for work. It was way overdue, and she couldn't keep things the same way they were going so far.

* * *

Emma could feel a light hand moving ever so gently on her shoulder. She swore it was the touch of a butterfly. When she opened her eyes, she could clearly see it was no butterfly, but Regina. She gave her a soft smile, it was very pleasant to wake up to her. Not only because this reassured her she wasn't going mad, but because at the same time, it gave her the sensation of being safe. She had slept, she didn't know for how long, but she had been able to enjoy a peaceful sleep. She **ALREADY** felt more re-energized than she had in the past year.

"Good morning," Emma said, finally sitting up.

"Good morning Emma, sleep well?" Regina asked as she got out of bed.

"No, please," Emma said reaching one hand towards Regina, "Don't leave yet."

"I'm not going anywhere, Miss Swan, I just really need to pee."

Emma giggled at Regina's response. Through the night, she had been able to put all her thoughts together, and she knew exactly what she wanted to know. But mostly she knew exactly what she wanted. By the time Regina came back from the bathroom, Emma had rearranged the bed.

"Now I need to pee."

* * *

Both women were sitting on the comfortable bed they now shared, enjoying the silence that was shared between them. Each one prepared their words slowly and calculated to make sure nothing went wrong. It was Emma who broke the silence.

"So I read your diary, well most of it. I couldn't keep my eyes open," Emma widened her eyes as her brain caught up to her words and before Regina could say something else, she addressed herself. "Not that you are boring or anything like that! God no! That's not what I meant!"

"Emma.."

"Regina, please wait, let me explain. What I meant was that I was really enjoying reading your diary, but I was super tired, so I didn't get to end. But I think I read something that I want to hear from you and not from some fancy red leather diary."

"And what exactly was that?"

"Y-you. You love me?"

"Oh that," Regina said looking down at her hands. She took a deep breath. The honesty hour had begun, and she could already feel her inner self yelling at her to run away. That it was dangerous to wander through these waters. Love was weakness. It was something she had been reminded and burned into her heart and soul for many years, yet here she was. Ready to forget all about that and give in to love. "Well it is true." But she didn't say it. "Like i said in the diary, I discovered these strong feelings towards you, while I wasn't here."

"You mean, while you were gone?"

"Well yes, that's what I said, some days I just really, really missed you. At first, I thought it was just Henry, but I kept picturing your face everywhere I went. No matter what I did or didn't do, you were there. That's one of the reasons why I started running, to keep my mind off you."

"Why didn't you just come back? Henry and I would have been more than happy to have you back!"

"You should know better. It's easier to run away than to stay."

"Is that what you are going to do now? Run away because you are scared? You know Regina, I had better expectations from you, maybe I had my hopes set too high for you…"

Regina got closer to Emma. At first, Emma took it as if Regina was trying to intimidate her, like she had many times before, but this time wasn't. She spoke in understanding, "Do you want me to run away again?" She stared into Emma's eyes, looking so hopeful and so vulnerable.

"No," Emma said simply. She could feel her body getting closer to Regina's. "I want you here, with me." She was so close to Regina that she could smell the delicious perfume the brunette was wearing. Their lips were almost touching, but not close enough. "With Henry, stay with us."

"Forever?" Regina said piercing Emma's eyes with her own.

"Forever," Emma said taking a grip of Regina's lips between her own.

The kiss they shared wasn't rushed. It wasn't wild. Instead, it was passionate, like they were trying to drown their sorrows, their fears, their ghosts, in one whole kiss. It was needy. It was always a declaration of affection, of care, and it was also a promise. A promise to always want her by her side. A promise to never run away again. Emma's wandering hands took the liberty of traveling Regina's back, as their lips melted together.

If there was a time and place where Regina wished time could stop, this was definitely that moment. All the fear she had felt two nights before while she drove back was now gone. She was glad she had fixed things with Emma, and she was ready for whatever the future held for her. She knew that if she had the blonde by her side, her own demons would seem like child play, but she was also very well aware that they wouldn't leave her side. Neither would Emma's. They were part of who they were. They were the clay that molded them into the beautiful pieces of art that they were now. Their horrid pasts were what made them who they were, and at the same time it was exactly the same thing that had brought them together. For now, she could only hope for this newfound happiness to last a little longer.

It was Emma who broke their kiss, both of them gasping for air. With her eyes fixed on Regina's face, she knew what Regina was thinking, because it was exactly the same thing she was thinking. She was afraid. Afraid to ruin everything, and to have everything go just as fast as it came. She also knew that it was something she would do her best to not let happen. She knew that by Regina's side, she could be happy. They didn't need a tattoo, or fairy dust, or a book with fairytales telling them what their happy ending was. They only needed each other, and each other they had, because while Regina was gone, Emma discovered that even the darkness in a heart can love.

* * *

**A/N: Wow I got a little cheesy up there. Any reviews are welcome. See you soon. **


End file.
